Help! I Need Somebody!

A Part of Multisite Monday

Have you ever looked at your ministry and been completely stumped? Have you ever had an insane urgency to sing an ode to the Beatles and break out with, “Help! I Need Somebody!” You’re not alone. We’ve all found ourselves at that crucial crossroads.

For the past 17 years, I’ve had the privilege to minister to children and families. At the age of 19, I took my first children’s director position. I was wide-eyed and passionate with big dreams. I can honestly say God has guided my path and allowed me to pursue greater opportunities than I could have possibly imagined. The past six years saw me leading the children’s ministry of one of the largest and fastest growing churches in America. It was an incredible journey.

About six months ago, my husband and I made a major transition in our life. We went on staff with Orange and began helping churches all over the globe better minister to kids, students and families. I also began consulting and coaching with leaders and ministries from around the country.

Whether you need a one time comprehensive evaluation or are interested in establishing on ongoing coaching relationship, I believe I can HELP.

My areas of expertise extend to children’s ministry multisite and launching, volunteer recruitment, coaching and appreciation, preschool and elementary age programming, systems, standards, atmosphere, staff culture, and time management and personal health.

Despite the demand of writing, speaking and managing the craziness of a six-person household, I have elected to open three additional consulting slots as we head into fall.

As summer quickly comes to a close and your church begins preparing for a SGS (strategic growth season), it’s always nice to have a new set of eyes and fresh ideas. I would love to partner with you and your team as we set the stage for God to move in miraculous ways!

If you’re interested in learning more, leave a comment below. 

Jessica Bealer

For additional Multisite Monday articles, click here.

Multisite Monday – 8 Do’s and Don’ts for Volunteer and Staff Kids

Part Two

A couple weeks back I shared 8 Do’s for Volunteer and Staff Kids. Before we jump into today’s content, here’s a brief recap…

Growing up, my parents were the ultimate church volunteers. My mom was a Sunday School teacher, my dad the Sunday School Director and Associate Pastor. When I was a teenager, he announced his call to preach. As much as I loved Jesus, I came to resent the church building itself. I endured long hours inside those brick walls, bored and wishing to be anywhere else. Yet, at 19 years old, I felt God’s call on my life. It was very specific. He wanted to use my own experience to fuel my passion and make church FUN for kids. Over my 17 years in children’s ministry, I’ve strived to create environments that engage and attract children, especially staff and volunteer kids. Today’s post is Part 2 of 8 Do’s and Don’ts for Volunteer and Staff Kids. It will focus on those things that should be avoided in order to connect and minister to the families you see most often. I would encourage you to start with Part 1.

Up until December 2016, and for the past six years, my husband and I had led the family ministry at Elevation in Charlotte, North Carolina, a fast-growing church of 16 locations and nearly 30,0000 attendees. One of the areas in which we found success was called Clubhouse. Clubhouse is an environment designed specifically for staff and volunteer kids. At Elevation, parents attend one worship experience and serve during another. As a result, volunteer and staff kids are at church for more than four hours. Clubhouse ensures they don’t get bored or serve as a distraction.

Clubhouse is an area where kids can eat a snack, hang out with friends, watch movies, play boardgames, engage in video game tournaments, craft, and play with toys. Kids love the low key environment and parents appreciate the energy and effort expended to care for their children while they are busy serving Jesus.

Having a defined strategy is key. Here are 8 things to avoid when establishing a plan to better engage and minister to staff and volunteer kids.

DON’T

DON’T expect them to be exemplary pupils.

  • Kids are kids. While I strongly believe regular church attendance helps young minds develop a more defined and Biblically based sense of morality, it’s important to remember even great kids have bad days, weeks, and years. Believe me, my funny and sweet 11 year-old, Isaac, was not so pleasant when he was three. If I’m being honest, he was a terror. I wanted to apologize every time I dropped him off. If you’re creating a Clubhouse type environment and expecting the kids in attendance to behave like angels that treasure the space, put away games, and listen the first time an adult speaks, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Clubhouse at Elevation is loud, somewhat chaotic, busy, and FUN! When children feel safe to be who God made them, they’ll start to anticipate that freedom. They’ll begin to look forward to the long hours at church.

DON’T punish them or make them an example because they are “tough enough” to handle it.

  • The kids in your ministry will act out, especially in an environment in which their energy is allowed and encouraged. As with anything in life, a bad choice can result in unfortunate consequences. I’m not suggesting you should let volunteer and staff kids run wild, but make an effort to understand the stress and strain each child endures in order for you ministry to thrive and always err on the side of grace.

DON’T assume their parents are informed about what’s happening in your ministry.

  • The most uninformed parents in your congregation are typically those on staff or serving in a volunteer role. Why? They’re too close to the action. Volunteer and staff parents assume because they spend so much time within the church walls they are “in the know.” These moms and dads rarely read handouts or emails, and they never pay attention to details because they know who to call when they need a reminder. As a ministry leader, it’s incredibly frustrating, but it’s also a reality. Find ways to keep volunteer and staff parents informed. Station a volunteer at Clubhouse pick-up to relay details through face-to-face conversation. Mail handouts directly to their homes with a personalized note. Create disposable take-home bags parents can grab with all the information they need for the week. Make it a point to keep them informed and watch as they begin to understand, support, and appreciate your ministry in a whole new way.

DON’T forget about attention span.

  • Have you ever been in a car with a kid? Whether the trip is 10 hours or 10 minutes, as soon as your foot hits the gas those legendary words fall from their lips, “How much longer?” God gave us these precious, adorable, mini people with boundless energy and zero attention span. If you truly want to help kids love church, you have to keep their minds and bodies occupied. Having staff and volunteer kids repeat your Sunday morning programming multiple times will eventually create problems. When little minds and hands wander, they cause distraction and create mischief. In your Clubhouse environment, keep a steady pace of activities planned. When parents arrive to pick-up, you want their kids asking, “Can’t I stay just a little longer?”

DON’T treat them as you would all other regularly attending children.

  • Staff and volunteer kids will, on average, spend 300% more time at church than a sporadically attending child. If you strategically use this time to invest in them, you’ll find these children will be your most effective marketing tool. They’ll understand the heart of your house and the systems of your ministry and will one day be your most passionate volunteers.

DON’T allow programming constraints to limit what you can do.

  • Just because your main worship service is programmed for 60 minutes and held inside the brick walls of the church building, does not mean your Clubhouse environment should operate within those same constraints. Schedule a game truck. Turn your parking lot into a waterpark. Plan a Easter Egg hunt with mega prizes for your staff and volunteer kids during the Easter Clubhouse experience. Order Happy Meals and milkshakes from McDonald’s and sit on the playground or sidewalk for lunch. Find ways to make your Clubhouse experience feel not normal.

DON’T assume they love church.

  • I shared how, as a child, I loved Jesus but hated the church building. I was often bored and couldn’t relate to the teachings. I’m sure your church is committed to creating fun, relevant environments but every child may not initially view your ministry in a positive light. That’s okay. Treat them kindly. Ask questions. Find out what his or her interests are and make adjustments that will strategically appeal to individual interests.

DON’T babysit them.

  • We all love to be needed, to feel important, to believe that our opinion matters. Kids are no different. If anything, they are seeking validation and acceptance more than anyone else. When you schedule a volunteer and ask them to do little more than pass out gummy snacks, turn on a movie, and check tags at pick-up, kids have no motivation to be more than a number in a ratio. Instead, find adults who will take a vested interest in them as individuals. Make sure your volunteer and staff kids feel important and valued. The lengths to which kids will go to fulfill the expectations you’ve set will surprise you. Challenge them to assume leadership positions among peers. Offer incentives for scripture memorization, and find opportunities for them to take the reigns when possible and be the hands and feet of Jesus.

A successful Clubhouse environment is one of intentionality. Your strategy should be to engage kids, facilitate friendships, and bring laughter, as well as connect families on a more personal level.

In a Multisite Model, bring campus children’s director’s and Clubhouse leaders together frequently to brainstorm ideas and determine what is and is not working. Sharing supplies and strategy can save you time and money in the long run. The secret to success is not a secret at all, it’s collaboration.

If you haven’t already read Part 1, I would encourage you to go back and read the first half of this post. To check out additional Multisite Monday articles, click here.

Jessica Bealer

 

Sample Clubhouse Schedule:

8:00AM Parent Drop-off / Free Play / Morning Movie

8:30AM Breakfast

9:00AM Cleanup

9:15AM Kids transfer to class

9:30AM Clubhouse kids attend first experience

11:00AM Clubhouse volunteers pick up kids from classrooms and transfer them back to the Clubhouse area.

11:15AM Lunch

11:45AM Cleanup

12:00PM Free Play / Video games / Crafting / Art / Boardgames / OCCASIONAL SPECIAL ELEMENT

12:45PM Snack

1:15PM Parent Pick-up

*Note: Clubhouse is available for volunteer and staff kids, ages 3 through 5th grade.

Multisite Monday – 8 Do’s and Don’ts for Volunteer and Staff Kids

Part One

I’m a preacher’s kid. I grew up loving Jesus, but dreading church. I didn’t have a traumatic experience involving the steeple or pews. It just felt irrelevant, time consuming and boring. It wasn’t until early adulthood, I discovered church could be fun. At the age of 19, I took my first position as Children’s Director for a small startup church in East Tennessee. I made a commitment to create engaging environments in which kids would also have FUN, especially volunteer and staff kids.

Fast forward eight years, Frank and I relocated to Charlotte, North Carolina and began attending Elevation Church. We signed up to serve and selected our perspective areas. I chose eKidz Clubhouse. Clubhouse is an environment designed specifically for staff and volunteer kids. At Elevation, parents attend one worship experience and serve during another. As a result, volunteer and staff kids are at church for more than four hours. To ensure they didn’t get bored or serve as a distraction, Clubhouse was created.

Clubhouse is an area where kids can eat a snack, hang out with friends, watch movies, play boardgames, engage in video game tournaments, craft, and play with toys. When introduced, it was an instant success. Kids loved the low key environment and parents appreciated the energy and effort expended to care for their children while they were busy serving Jesus. Our strategy started with Clubhouse, but grew and expanded along with our volunteer base.

The name you select to identify your volunteer and staff kids area is insignificant. Having a defined strategy is key. To get you started, here are eight do’s to help you establish a plan that will have staff, volunteers, and their children falling in love with your church all over again.

DO

Offer them special privileges and opportunities.

  • Allow volunteer and staff kids the chance to serve in a volunteer role a year before their peers are eligible. Offer them small opportunities to lead in the small group in which they attend. Have them lead worship in large group. There’s nothing wrong with taking steps to set them apart from the rest. These are kids who will spend a good amount of time each week within the church walls. Do everything you can to make that time feel special.

Arrange to keep them fed.

  • Provide a warm breakfast and healthy snacks for those arriving early and lunch for those staying throughout the day. Parents will appreciate the assistance because it makes volunteering easier. Kids will appreciate you because, well…you’re giving them food. Kids love to eat!

Invest money to keep them entertained and engaged.

  • A new video game system or basketball goal, on the surface, may seem like a waste of money. I would argue it’s one of the best expenditures you could make. A new game or toy is fun and exciting. A visit from the ice cream truck during Clubhouse hour brings a smile. Happy kids make happy moms and dads. Happy parents equate to higher volunteer and staff retention. If you want to grow your church, invest in those that hold the hearts and the attention of your volunteers and staff, their children.

Consider how every event, activity and extended service will affect them.

  • For the past few years, Elevation has had a choir on stage at Christmas. As you know, the holiday season can be a stressful time in which parents stay busy and kids feel rushed from one activity to the next. Add in hours of choir rehearsal and extra Christmas worship experiences, and you’ve got a recipe for exhaustion and burnout. A couple years back, we made a conscious decision to keep Clubhouse kids busy with a variety of entertaining activities. We scheduled cookie decorating workshops, Christmas movie marathons, Santa visits and more. Being aware of your church calendar and having a plan will help you avoid the question, “How much longer?”

Prepare for them in advance.

  • Arriving on Saturday night or Sunday morning and setting out coloring books and Monopoly isn’t enough. Kids like surprises. They want to be wowed. Book a video game truck. Set up a carnival. Hire an illusionist. Purchase the latest kids blockbuster and schedule an epic movie day. Spend time each week creating a plan that will amaze. It doesn’t need to be expensive, just intentional.

Make them feel special.

  • If your ministry has a prize based reward system, create an extra incentive just for staff and volunteer kids. Make name tags or t-shirts that identify them as someone special. Send gifts on their birthday. Don’t make the mistake of lumping staff and volunteer kids together with the masses. They are the future leaders of your ministry. Treat them as such and watch as they grow into Godly men and women.

Make exceptions to the rules.

  • By nature, I’m a rule follower. I like things a certain way and I want all players in any venture I take to abide by the guidelines set forth at the start. However, there are certain cases in which the old saying, “rules were meant to be broken,” rings true. The way you treat volunteer and staff kids is a prime example. For most of the kids in your Clubhouse area, their parents’ decision to serve also requires a sacrifice on their part. Whether it’s an extra bag of Oreos during snack time, or a blind eye turned towards an electronic gadget, allowing volunteer and staff kids a little extra leeway can go a long way.

Treat them as family.

  • Everyone wants to be included, to have a place to belong. We all want someone to notice our absences and ask about our week. Kids are no different. Show you are thinking of them by sending unexpected gifts: a frisbee at the beginning of summer, a set of mechanical pencils at the start of the school year, a special ornament at Christmas. Make it a point to ask about their latest baseball or soccer game. Celebrate accomplishments together. Families laugh, argue, forgive, play practical jokes on one another, and stand by each other. Your goal is to create a culture that is both welcoming but exclusive, familiar but exciting, intentional but FUN!

In a Multisite Model, each campus or location may have a Clubhouse environment unique to itself. That’s okay. Play to the space you have. If you’re in a permanent high tech facility, 4K movie screens and the latest video game systems may be ideal. If you’re a non-permanent campus, but have access to a gymnasium, invest in sports and field day equipment. If you’re in a ballet studio with mirrors on every wall, schedule hip hop instructors during your Clubhouse hour and teach kids to dance. (Yes, I once did this.) Wherever you find yourself, in whatever situation, there is a solution that works. Get creative. Remember the goal. Make church FUN!

Join us again next Multisite Monday for Part Two of this post, in which we’ll focus on the 8 Don’ts for Volunteer and Staff Kids.

To check out additional Multisite Monday articles, click here.

Jessica Bealer

 

Sample Clubhouse Schedule:

8:00AM Parent Drop-off / Free Play / Morning Movie

8:30AM Breakfast

9:00AM Cleanup

9:15AM Kids transfer to class

9:30AM Clubhouse kids attend first experience

11:00AM Clubhouse volunteers pick up kids from classrooms and transfer them back to the Clubhouse area.

11:15AM Lunch

11:45AM Cleanup

12:00PM Free Play / Video games / Crafting / Art / Boardgames / OCCASIONAL SPECIAL ELEMENT

12:45PM Snack

1:15PM Parent Pick-up

*Note: Clubhouse is available for volunteer and staff kids, ages 3 through 5th grade.

Helping Small Group Leaders Connect

Part of Multisite Monday

Over the years, I’ve taken more than my fair share of budgetary questions, “How should we allocate our funds? Who oversees the budget? How strict should we be about overages?” The question I receive most? “I have a little money left over for the year, what should I do with it?”

My answer is always the same, “SPEND IT ON SMALL GROUPS!”

My mom and dad taught that where you spend your time and money is reflective of your priorities. If small groups are important, then we must devote time, money, and energy to see them succeed.

Parents bring their kids and students to church for different reasons: discipleship, babysitting, guilt, supplemental parenting, boredom, or even curiosity. Kids and students come to church for two reasons, to have fun and hang out with friends. Once we understand the needs and expectations of those we serve, we can begin to strategize. The role of a small group leader is complex. Simplifying the goals allows for clarity. Here are the three objectives of a small group leader:

  1. To CONNECT with mom or dad through meaningful conversations
  2. To ENGAGE with a kid or student in a fun and exciting way
  3. To FACILIATE relationships both as a mentor and with kids’ or students’ peers

Overtime in a multisite model, the quality of small group execution can start to vary from location to location. It’s easy to get frustrated and lay the responsibility square on the shoulders of the campus director. However, excellence starts with a healthy centralized strategy. There are certain elements that must be present or communicated to ensure small group leaders are set up for success. Let’s examine those essentials and consider how to create centralized strategies to ensure their implementation in a multisite model.

 

Coaching

Coaching is not training. Training happens once a quarter in a multi-purpose room with rows of chairs and snacks. Only about 40% of your volunteer-base show up, and most of the time, it’s the 40% that don’t need training. I’m not a huge advocate of training, because it’s rarely as effective as I hope it will be. Coaching, on the other hand, has proven to be a valuable tool. Coaching is hands-on, in the moment guidance. Pair your more experienced team members with those that need assistance and watch magic happen. Put a rotation schedule in place so every small group leader feels supported and encouraged by the coach.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: Coaching starts with a centralized strategy, but often begins with a single location test run. I would advise you to implement this idea at one of your healthiest locations. Select small group leaders who lead the way and communicate well with their teammates. Set clear expectations and transition them to a coaching role. Coaches should split their time between on-boarding new volunteers and evaluating and supporting current small group leaders.

 

Options

If you’ve ever led a small group for kids or students you know things rarely go as planned. Activities don’t always connect. A question that seems benign on the surface may bring unexpected tears. The new kid says something highly inappropriate and a gigglefest ensues. These unexpected twists and turns will lead to honest and impactful conversations. God rarely does what we expect. He works in mysterious ways. We can acknowledge that by offering options to group leaders. For example: “If this doesn’t work, go back to the game.” or “If a conversation is going well, don’t feel rushed to get on with the lesson plan.” Giving small group leaders margin with curriculum transitions allows the group to grow organically.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: Once you’ve established a coaching model this technique can be demonstrated through hands-on training. In the meantime, clarify your expectations through central curriculum emails.

 

Notes and Nuggets

Have you ever read a lesson plan and imagined its execution in your mind. You probably began to think about what you would do and not do, how you would divide kids or students into teams or how you would celebrate a correct answer. Experience leads to expertise. You know how to make it happen, but don’t assume every small group leader operates as you do. It’s important, as you put your lesson plan together, to provide helpful execution tips along the way. These little nuggets of informational gold set your leaders up for success and teach them how to begin to think as you do. I would also encourage you to leave space on your lesson plan, whether below each activity or in the margin, for notes. The goal is for small group leaders to fully engage with the kids and students he or she is leading. Giving leaders space to work out details encourages them to take ownership and spend additional time in preparation. It won’t be long before they too are executing run-throughs in their mind.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: At the beginning of every activity provide helpful advice for execution. Tips like, “This activity works well when kids or students are sitting on their knees” or “Have your group stand in a circle before placing the blindfold on” can help with flow, limit distraction, and save time. This will promote excellence and consistency across all locations.

 

Nourishment

Great small group leaders create a welcoming and exciting atmosphere for the kids or students in their groups. They facilitate friendship and fun. They can discipline with a smile, and make everyone feel as if they belong. If you read that statement and thought, “I just want mine to show up and know the lesson plan,” maybe the issue isn’t commitment, but rather health. Healthy small groups are lead by healthy small group leaders. When was the last time you checked on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health of your team? The roll of the small group leader is the most important, and you must treat it as such. Handle those volunteers with great care. Meet with them regularly to assess their well-being. Provide leadership development books, devotionals, and prayer journals, and make sure those individuals are sitting under the preached word every week. A spiritually starved leader feels inadequate and unable to do that which has been asked of them. Inadequacy leads to departure. Not only will those individuals produce less than stellar environments, but it’s likely they won’t be around for very much longer. No one enjoys feeling like a failure. You can avoid that by prioritizing the health of your small group leaders and providing a steady stream of nourishment to your teams.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: Make room in your central curriculum budget to purchase a leadership book or prayer journal for every small group leader 2-4 times a year.

 

Examples

Whatever curriculum you choose to use, it’s important to make it easy to read and understand. If instructions aren’t clear, execution will be less than mediocre. Consider providing step-by-step instructions for each activity or conversation, as well as diagrams or pictures of the resources he or she will use. You can even provide example statements for them to say at the beginning of each activity. When you take the guesswork out of lesson prep, you ensure consistency and build unity among your teams.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: When preparing small group supplies centrally or on the campus level, offer clear visuals to group leaders by including a completed sample of each craft or activity.

 

Conversation Starters

Kids and students don’t walk in the doors of your church ready to learn about Jesus. Wouldn’t that be amazing? They come hoping to have fun and see friends. If they walk straight into a Bible study upon arrival, you’ve already failed to meet their expectations. Whatever your curriculum selection, it’s important to provide small group leaders with conversation starters. The foundation of a healthy small group is trust. Trust takes time, but starts with authentic conversation. Set your small group leaders up for success by offering a “Would you rather…” or “The grossest thing I’ve ever seen is…” fill in the blank.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: If conversation starters are not included in the curriculum you select, make sure to provide 3-5 questions or discussion topics in your central curriculum email to help break the ice.

 

Timeliness

It takes time to prepare a lesson that will both engage and connect. Honor a small group leader’s commitment by providing the lesson plan to him or her in a timely manner. Passion is smothered by lack of preparation. If you don’t “get around” to emailing out the lesson plan until later in the week, you shouldn’t be surprised when leaders shows up and read from the script. You haven’t made it a priority, so why should they. A 5-7 day preparation window allows leaders to read over it, consider what they will say, memorize key parts, and apply Biblical truths in their own lives. A healthy small group environment starts with excellent preparation, and that starts days in advance.

Tip for Multisite Implementation: Have the team or individual that oversees curriculum centrally write the lesson plan email each week. This email should be sent to campus directors no later than Tuesday. Leave a few fill-in-the-blank options for campus directors to personalize. This will ensure curriculum emails are clear, consistent, and sent in a timely.

Coaching

Options

Notes and Nuggets

Nourishment

Examples

Conversation Starters

Timeliness

The point of a small group is to connect with kids, students, and parents and make an impact. Without a connection, influence is lost. Without influence, it’s only a matter of time before your ministry loses priority and is superseded by a million other alternatives.

In a multisite model, it may seem impossible to centralize personal connection. However, strong systems and clear expectations allow for success at the campus level. Ask yourself the following questions as you begin to evaluate your strategy.

How are we growing our kid and student small group leaders as a church? What’s our strategy?

Have we communicated that a connection is more important than a schedule? 

Do we provide margin for group leaders to personalize their lesson?

Are lesson plan instructions clear and easy to understand?

Do we offer execution tips for those harder-to-understand activities?

Are we setting small group leaders up for success with conversation starters and icebreakers?

Is the lesson plan provided to the small group leader with ample preparation time?

I hope you will join me again for Multisite Monday here at FamilyMinistry.Church.

Jess Bealer

#OC15 Session Notes: Not Normal – 7 Quirks of Incredible Volunteers

I really enjoyed this breakout which highlighted the content of the new book by Sue Miller and Adam Duckworth. Here are some notes and a fun video.

Quirk #1: Start Somewhere. 

  • 80% of people just don’t know where to start.
  • Most people are so overwhelmed with the need that they never start.
  • As leaders encourage them to start somewhere!
  • Encourage people to try something they LIKE and to start over if they’ve been BURNED!

Quirk #2: Small is Big

  • The smallest things we do have the biggest results.
  • Small things bring about not normal results.
  • Speaking encouraging words, sending birthday cards, etc.

Quirk #3: Own Don’t Rent

  • “If you want to be a not normal volunteer you need to be an owner not a renter.”
  • Owners invest more for a bigger return.

Quirk #4: You, Me & We

  • This is not about ME. This is not about YOU. It’s about how WE do this together!
  • It is about looking side to side to see what is going on around you – rather than focusing on yourself.

Quirk #5: Honor The Leader 

  • Embrace Your Leaders Vision – It will drain volunteers to be part of a vision that they do not support.
  • Sometimes the best thing a volunteer can do is to amicably move on if they are in conflict with their leaders over vision.
  • “Your leader needs a cheerleader, not a drama queen.”

Quirk #6: Replace Yourself

  • Let go of what you want. Let go of your current role. And, let go of controlling your future.

Quirk #7: You Can’t Always See It

  • Volunteers can’t always see the impact they are making.
  • Remind your volunteers often that even if they can’t always see it – they are making a difference.

A Crash Course In Conflict

As published in Kidzmatter Magazine…

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A Crash Course In Conflict

Let’s start with a question. If I were to introduce you to someone you really admire today and a little later you saw them walk by with something in their teeth, would you…

a) Tell them immediately

b) Make some kind of gesture and hope they get the point

c) Not say anything, and hope that someone else will tell them

It is my belief that how you answer this question is a good indicator of how you approach conflict and it’s counterpart, resolution. We all must deal with conflict. HOW we deal with it will greatly determine our impact as a leader. Maybe we should learn to see conflict as an opportunity. For many of us that means we have a multitude of opportunities!

For leaders, the challenge is to not only manage conflict but to create conflict. You read that right: Great leaders create conflict.

What do I mean by creating conflict? There are times when you and I need to address something that is wrong or broken but the person frolicking in the tide of brokenness has no clue there is a problem. They seem oblivious to any tension at all. This type of conflict can be the most difficult to resolve. Not only do you have to shine light on the problem, but you must also address it at the same time. At best, this can be as awkward as telling some unsuspecting person that they have something in their teeth, at worst it can be confrontational and hostile. Let’s look at a scenario somewhere in the middle.

Take Delia for instance. Delia is a volunteer that has been around for quite a while in your ministry but is habitually late. She’s a great volunteer that has a true gift with children and families. No one has addressed her tardiness, despite the fact that she has been late every weekend for a year (except that one time during Daylight Savings Time when she forgot to roll her clock back). What Delia doesn’t realize is that her late arrival forces the rest of the team to arrive earlier than necessary to cover for her lack of prep time. As a leader, you can’t ignore it any longer. You can’t even just hint at it (you tried that ten times already). You have to meet with Delia and explain the situation. More than likely, she will not respond in anger, but in embarrassment or shock. She has been completely oblivious to the scowls of her teammates. She just thought they were all a little grumpy.

When scenarios such as this arise, you, as a leader, have a choice.

a) Address the matter head on and face whatever Delia’s response may be. (“Umm, I hate to say it, but you have something in your teeth!”)

b) Leave the church altogether and hope everyone figures out it is because your volunteer Delia keeps showing up late. (A big gesture, yes. Let me know if your next church is free from problems.)

c) Allow a group of volunteers to be frustrated for a prolonged period of time and hope one of them will eventually confront Delia for you.

You may be thinking, “I’ve already got enough conflict, who needs more?” You’re asking the wrong question. The question you should be asking is, “Do I have healthy conflict that will help move my ministry forward or is turmoil brewing?” While a leader must learn to be comfortable with conflict, they should constantly protect against turmoil.

Turmoil and conflict are very different. Based on the diagnostic below, are you experiencing conflict or turmoil?

Turmoil is a state of great disturbances, confusion, or uncertainty.

Conflict is a state of identifiable disagreement, opposition or disharmony.

Turmoil is draining and never productive.

Conflict can be constructive and facilitate growth.

Turmoil is most often filled with conflict.

Conflict does not necessarily derive from turmoil.

There’s a big difference between living in a state of turmoil and managing the tensions of healthy conflict.

As a leader, what we do with conflict is one of our greatest responsibilities. Yet, we spend very little time learning how to improve it. Welcome to a crash course in conflict.

You should know that I am completely comfortable with confrontation. Some people have complicated lives, I guess you could say my life has been very conflicated (I think I just made up a new word).

Before we get too far into our discussion on conflict, I want to make sure that we are all on the same page.  Everything discussed here MUST be wrapped in the love and grace of Jesus. As we read in 1 Corinthians 13, we can do many things but without love it is nothing.

Here are 4 truths that my ‘conflicated’ life has taught me

1) Conflict is rarely addressed too soon and is most often addressed too late.

Most of us can immediately bring to mind a conflict that wasn’t addressed in a timely manner and the nightmare that ensued. Church splits, division among leaders, and staffing disagreements often point back to untimely conclusions. It’s better to go ahead and get a conversation started right now. If not, you will just find yourself in a world of turmoil.

2) You can’t do what God wants you to do and completely avoid conflict.

Jesus dealt with a lot of conflict involving both religious leaders and His own disciples. The way He was able to identify the root issue was astounding. Can you imagine Jesus trying to fulfill His mission on this earth without conflict? Of course not! Why should you and I expect it to be different for us as we pursue God’s calling on our lives?

3) Conflict rarely resolves itself. Instead, it creates incredible opportunities to reflect the love and mercy of Christ to others.

I will never forget sitting down with a young lady named Samantha to discuss some conflict that was arising between her and several members of her team. As I began to speak to her, she began to cry. As Samantha wiped away her tears, she explained that she never intended to be rude or hurtful to those around her. However, she was facing a difficult situation at home, and her hopelessness in that situation was bleeding over to her volunteer role. In that conversation, I discovered that she was in an abusive relationship. Once Samantha opened up, she was able to find the assistance and support she needed to remove herself from that situation. Can you imagine if I had chosen to avoid the awkwardness of that very difficult conversation? I would have missed the opportunity to help a woman in need, and Samantha may have never received the help she so desperately needed.

4) One of the most frustrating places to find yourself is under the leadership of someone who avoids conflict.

There is a certain measure of uncertainty that comes from serving under a “conflict-free” leader. More often than not, this kind of leader comes across as dispassioned, careless, or oblivious. While you don’t want to be perceived as a headhunter looking for trouble, ignoring problems often creates a burdened team filled with strife and resentment. I truly believe that a good leader is a lover and fighter: Loving toward the people in our lives but willing to fight for what God has entrusted to our care.

I don’t want to leave you with a bunch of difficult truths without a few tips to help you manage the treacherous waters of conflict.

Here are a few strategies that have helped me along the way.

Four Strategies For Resolving Conflict

1) Be prepared. Play out the best and worse case scenarios before you meet.

Prepare for how you expect the person you are confronting to respond (based on previous behaviors) and how you hope he or she will respond (based on the Holy Spirit working in them). Depending on his or her response, ask yourself, what is your relationship with this person going to look like moving forward?

2) Assess your heart before assessing his or hers.

Ask yourself, why are you having this conversation to begin with? Is this a pride issue on your part? Are you meeting with this person because it’s what is best for the ministry?

3) Seek God’s Word before you act. The scripture is filled with examples of how to (and how not to) address conflict.

1 Thessalonians 2:8 (how to)

2 Samuel 14:1-15:37 (how not to)

John 21:15-19 (how to)

Matthew 18:15-17 (how to)

4) Conflict rarely gets resolved without a few tears.

Conflict can be emotional. It’s important to take the time to meet face to face. Never address an issue through text or email. People need to hear your tone and see your expressions. Those that you meet with need to know that you care about them. Can you imagine Jesus addressing Peter’s denial of Him via courier? It sounds ridiculous because it is. Along the way, you will discover your leadership style, as it relates to conflict. You’ll also discover if you’ve invested enough into those you lead. When you have relational equity, it’s much easier to address the proverbial “elephant in the room” in a way that shows love and resolves the problem efficiently.

Conflict will occur. A healthy team has healthy conflict. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes that means you, as a leader, need to go on the offensive to push your ministry forward. In order to do so, lead with the reason behind the conflict. Give some vision around what God is calling the team to do and point out any issues that may be hindering that. This isn’t about personal preferences. We have a mission to reach a world in need of the Gospel.

Speaking of the Gospel, in John 13:35, Jesus said that “our love for one another will show the world that we are His disciples.” Show love in the midst of conflict and watch as others are drawn in. People appreciate passion even if it shows itself through healthy conflict.

As I mentioned earlier, these truths about conflict should be filtered through a lens of grace. I’m not suggesting that you should look for conflict at every turn. For most leaders, this isn’t your approach anyway. Most of us tend to lean the opposite direction. We hope that over time the conflict will resolve itself. We all have those anecdotal stories of situations miraculously working out. In reality, this rarely happens in ministry.

It’s important to note that simply reading this article isn’t enough. We must not only be aware of conflict (that’s not the hard part), we must do something about it!

I know we have just scratched the surface on the matter of conflict. Each scenario is unique and difficult in it’s own way. One area that cannot go unmentioned is forgiveness. This topic is too big to address in this article, but my pastor, Steven Furtick, did a fantastic job unpacking this topic in a series called F-Bomb. You can watch or listen to the entire series for free by visiting the sermon archives at elevationchurch.org

Let’s keep the conversation going.